It needs to be Mother's Day every day. I am not referring to receiving breakfast in bed, flowers, and cards. Please don't get me wrong, those things are nice. When is the last time you went to the doctor for a wellness visit? The dentist? When is the last time you went to get a massage? Have you allotted time in your busy schedule to take a break for a day, two days, a week? Do you know who you are? Do you know or remember what your heart used to or currently is trying to tell you? What do you do for you?
If you rolled your eyes, felt defensive, or have answers that begin with "Well, before I had kids..." or "Sure, I did that ten years ago..." you may need to take time this weekend to give a good thorough and honest look at your life. Ask yourself why you haven't given time for yourself? Do you feel unworthy? Do you think it is selfish? What is holding you back from self care?
This may seem like a harsh post, but I am giving you the kick in the butt my husband just did for me. Now, he didn't actually kick me, but rather he pressured me to stop dragging my feet and take care of myself.
So I am going to answer a few of these questions. I am going to be honest because it's a disservice to myself to not be. And I am sharing to hopefully help you make the tough step to take care of yourself.
The last time I went to the dentist was five years ago. I have dental insurance so no excuses. I have a breast lump that has been very painful for at least six years. Now I have gotten ultrasounds done, but I subconsciously decided that I deserved to feel the throbbing pain every day and night for six years. The last year or so, it's been so bad that I have been worried, worried that it is turning malignant as I've noticed it seemed to sink lower and embedded itself--growing more and more distorted. Finally, with encouragement from my husband, I made the decision to have the lump removed. I listened to my gut and made the decision to go back to South Carolina to see a surgeon I had already been established with. This involved coordinating three appointments to include the surgery to happen within a week so I wouldn't have to keep traveling back and forth from my current state which is two states away. Then the plans started to fall into place---a friend offered up her place for me to stay for the week and to be my wheels. We decided to keep things normal for our daughter by having her stay home with my husband while they kept to a normal routine. It also just so happened that my sister-in-law was available to help with childcare for two weeks. My friend's house is a one minute or less walk from the beach. I felt this would be a great place to recover--close to nature and a place to have quiet time to heal and think.
Prior to heading to SC, I ended up with a cold which made me so worked up because I felt like it was going to potentially keep me from taking care of myself. But I finally had to let it go and try my best to get well without taking anything since I was in the window of time where I wasn't allowed to take certain things because of the surgery. I kept my airline tickets and, finally on the up side of the cold, I flew to SC trusting it would all work out. My friend is a massage therapist, and the day I got to SC, she gave me a massage to help drain my lymphatic system to help me get better. By the time the surgery day rolled around, I was well enough. (Hallelujah!) The night and morning before the surgery, I had a serious chat with my body to prepare for the upcoming surgery. It was also a great way to help me calm down. Mentally, imagining the procedure and the recovery I believe was fundamental in helping me with my healing post surgery. The surgery went smoothly and the recovery has been unbelievably so. I felt an instant relief---like a huge ugly weight had been removed from above my heart and chest---where the lump had been. I felt some pain but I no longer felt that horrible throbbing--my body was so elated to have it gone. Miraculously, I didn't need any pain killers. I say all of this because I realized as I lay in bed recovering the first day with my friend's cat curled up on my lap, that we get the most resistance in life when we don't follow the path we are supposed to. When I finally gave up being the one in control and recognized I needed to allow for self care and embraced it---everything responded accordingly. I realized I am worthy and do deserve to be taken care of and receive care. The pathology report will be ready on Monday when I go for my follow up appointment. Regardless of what the results are, I still feel a deep peace and relief because I know it will be fine because I finally finally listened to my heart and took care of myself. And I am extremely grateful that I was able to do so and had the wonderful support network of family and friends to get me through it.
So I leave you with this, you've heard my story. This Mother's Day, take at least five minutes and find a quiet place, preferably a favorite place, make tea or coffee, and sit with yourself and evaluate where you are and what your heart has been trying to tell you. What do you need to do for you? Have you been dealing with a health issue that you keep sweeping under the rug? You deserve to take care of you. You are worthy. You can not be a present, nurturing, and loving woman and mother if you do not do the same for yourself. Your family--children need you and they need a mom who is healthy and serves as a role model for showing them that it is good, it's normal to take care of yourself. Whether we like it or not we all eventually "turn into our parents" so lead the way. Don't forget that you have an amazing network of Ninety-Nines and Mommy Pilots 99s to support you. Don't be afraid to ask for help!
Nugget of Wisdom:
My grandmother's wish she told me before she died from pancreatic cancer is she wished she would have done more of the things in life she kept putting off because she never felt her dreams were priority--were worthy. This included her health.
May you find the strength to love who you are and to care for you. Happy Mother's Every Day! Happy Women's Every Day!
